Selasa, 31 Desember 2013

Is this version of events the most likely scenario had McCain-Palin won in 2008?

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Mike Nicel


For starters, it would be President Palin to whom you refer, following that little accident involving the lawn mower, a confused Sarah Palin and a very drunk President-for-five-days John McCain in the Rose Garden.

President Palin's first act would have been to launch a space ship to the moon to check out rumors that the craters are full of crack. First Dude Levi Johnston (First First Dude Todd Palin had that awful accident involving the lawn mower at the VP's residence, remember?) provided President Palin with some hot inside information on that one. President Palin's second act was to launch a manned space flight to the sun. She overcame NASA objections that the ship would burn up by deciding it would fly at night. The memorial mass was moving.

God then told President Palin to launch a preemptive nuclear strike on Venezuela. But the President, never too sure of her geography, thought He said vuvuzela and launched the attack on South Africa during the World Cup soccer match, instead. Ironically, the nuclear weapon struck only the U.S. team. God told the President it was OK because American soccer players lack cojones.

Last week, in a bid to overcome 60% unemployment and a complete collapse of the U.S. economy, President Palin replaced the dollar with a new unit of currency she called the "Louise" upon the advice of chief economic adviser Newt Gingrich. Public response was so overwhelmingly negative that the media almost glossed over the terrible accident in the White House kitchen involving a lawn mower and a confused President Palin that cost Newt Gingrich his life. Mr. Gingrich was buried in Arlington, Atlanta, Cucamonga and somewhere back of the President's Wassilla White House. (NB: The President decided it was inconvenient to move to Washington DC, so she moved the Federal Government to Alaska instead.)

Then for some silly reason or another, the President quit. There were unproven allegations of bribes by Rupert Murdoch and the Saudi princes, but let's not be haters. The ex-President had not yet named a Vice President, so pursuant to the 25th Amendment, President Pelosi was immediately sworn in by an obviously drunk Chief Justice Roberts and is now kicking butt and taking names. President Pelosi's approval ratings currently exceed 99%. Republicans are poised to lose every single House, Senate, Governor, state office, county office and city office to their Democratic opponents.

The ex-President's last reported whereabouts were somewhere between Big Diomede and Little Diomede Islands, where she was last seen firing an AK-47 indiscriminately at local Eskimos and walruses. The local constabulary theorizes that she either fell into an ice fissure or was swallowed up by a Big White One.

Conspiracy theorists insist that Russian PM Putin reared his head and bit her in half, because "(a)s Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state."



Answer
you forgot to kill off the president of the senate with the lawnmower before pelosi could become prez... :P
- president palin's first official act was to go shopping at her favorite store, Nordstrom's on Michael Steele's GOP credit card, spending yet another $150,000 on clothing, for which she later refused to reimburse again, stating that presidents cant wear the same thing twice to those pesky G20-something meeting thingies.
- president palin, appearing before the press, refused to answer any 'gotcha questions,' which thereby cut her 20-minute official press conferences by 20 minutes.
- president palin, in an effort to cut 'big brother spending,' ordered all future rape-testing kit expenses to be paid for by the victims. "after all" she said, "what worked in wasilla should work for the whole country, right?"
- president palin made history by being the first american president to meet with the reclusive north korean leader, president kim il jong. at the internationally publicized official meeting, she asked if she could call him "jong" (her handlers realized that she couldnt control herself from refering to him as 'lil' kim') while she winked incessantly at the cameras in her desire to appear as presidential as possible in front of the world press.
- president palin held her first state of the union speech last friday. she addressed both houses of congress with as much details as she could remember & comprehend on various topics such as energy, budget cuts (...er strike 'budget', it's just 'cuts'), taxes, and 'lift american spirits.' five short minutes later, she started on additional topics written on her other hand, which included sales tax cuts on red leather jackets & hooker heels as well as on birth control pills for teenagers named bristol from alaska.
- president palin, swearing that from the second-story balcony of the white house she could see iran preparing to attack america, ordered all the military branches to position themselves for a first strike. from her cutesy nicknamed "ovaltine office," she used her Time magazine football-phone to call up her orders: the air force was to sail their ships to the caspian sea; the navy to drive their dark blue tanks to the sahara, just outside the iranian border; but she stalled the army from flying their fighter jets to that nefarious part of the world since she couldnt get the department of defense to agree to transfer the flight mileage credits to her personal credit card. she would have sent out the marines, but she figured they were needed to keep out the illegal immigrants sneeking their way in through the halls of montezuma, mexico.
- president palin, in an effort not to repeat her disasterous turkey-rendering interview/turkey pardoning event of 2008, ordered that for her first presidential thanksgiving, she'll be 'freeing' the turkeys by throwing them out of her wolve-hunting helicopter. "as god as my witness," she said in a state of shock after the end of the mayhem caused by turkeys crashing onto D.C. towncars & govt buildings, "i thought turkeys could fly!!!"

How can I repair an extension cord used with a mower after it has been cut?




The_Slashe


I was mowing the lawn when I didn't notice the cord must have been entangled on the back wheel, a really long extension cord I used with the mower. A part of the cord must have moved under the mower somehow and it got a sort of nick. The cut is a small one and it damaged the outer rubber coating...nothing inside I can see through the small crack looks damaged at all. I finished the mowing without incident. Should I consider this a safety hazard and replace the thing or can I fix it some other way?

These kinds of extension cords are just quite expensive where I am and I recently bought this one for R500 (South Africa) so I would rather find another solution than replacing the whole thing. Like I said the wiring inside is fine. Only the outer coating has a cut. But I know very little about electricity so I am just asking to be on the safe side.
Thanks for all the replies and all very helpful ideas. The cut is only on the outer surface and quite small. It is a double insulated cord, so nothing inside is damaged. I do have electrical cord to use as at least a temporary solution. Fortunately cutting the lawn is not an everyday thing.



Answer
If the cut is near one end of the cord, you can just put a new fitting on. Cut the wire off where you have damage. Buy a new fitting, make sure you get the right one, two female ends or two male ends won't work. They are not expensive compared to buying a whole new cord, they are actually very cheap. All you have to do is open the plug, strip the wires and attach them in the same orientation. If the cut is near the middle of your cord you could always cut it and put a new end on both sides, leaving you with two cords. That way you won't have any exposed wiring and won't have to rely on electrical tape.




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