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Q. We've been married for 6 years and it has been rough from the very beginning. We jumped into marriage very quickly and I've been sticking it out, determined that we could fix things, but it's just not working.
He's cheated more than once (with the same girl) and continues to lie about it. He's angry with my lack of trust for him. It's not over the top, I don't think he's running around every time he goes out. I just don't want him to have any further contact with this girl (which isn't hard. She is not among his circle of friends so they have to go out of their way to see each other). His moods are all over the place, i never know what is going to set him off. His temper is terrible.
He refuses to acknowledge that I need physical attention, more than a couple minutes of cuddling before sex once or twice a week. If I ask for a hug or kiss, or simply just try to hug him, I'm shrugged off and rejected before he'll turn around and give me one. Same goes for sex. Any initiation of physical contact on my part is always rejected before he seems to "give in".
I receive no compliments from him, rather he tears me down. I feel worse about myself now than I ever have, even though I've tried to use it as motivation to improve myself. Nothing is ever right.
He wants no responsibility when it comes to the house or the children. He can't even put his lawn mower away after mowing. If I ask him to, I'm yelled at then ignored for nagging. (And this goes for anything and everything. He can't take care of anything, even if it's worth a good deal of money).
He'll play with the children a couple times a week (and even those times are short). If the children need anything or are moody, he gets upset. Just tonight he kicked a hole in our bedroom door because our 4 year old was fighting his bedtime.
I'm tired of the fighting, of the way he tears me down, of how he treats our children and neglects everything. I've tried countless times to talk with him about these issues, and every time, he says he doesn't care. That he's just "not that kind of guy". I just want a compromise.
I am by no means perfect, not at all. But this is ridiculous. If I had the financial means and it were just me to worry about, I would be gone. But not only am I afraid to go it alone, I worry about what this will do to our children and about all of the other relationships (family/friends) that will be torn. When I look at the big picture, I wonder if the pain of divorce is worth it. One thing for sure, I'm far from happy. But I don't want to be selfish and not consider the consequences my actions will have on our children and everyone else.
He's cheated more than once (with the same girl) and continues to lie about it. He's angry with my lack of trust for him. It's not over the top, I don't think he's running around every time he goes out. I just don't want him to have any further contact with this girl (which isn't hard. She is not among his circle of friends so they have to go out of their way to see each other). His moods are all over the place, i never know what is going to set him off. His temper is terrible.
He refuses to acknowledge that I need physical attention, more than a couple minutes of cuddling before sex once or twice a week. If I ask for a hug or kiss, or simply just try to hug him, I'm shrugged off and rejected before he'll turn around and give me one. Same goes for sex. Any initiation of physical contact on my part is always rejected before he seems to "give in".
I receive no compliments from him, rather he tears me down. I feel worse about myself now than I ever have, even though I've tried to use it as motivation to improve myself. Nothing is ever right.
He wants no responsibility when it comes to the house or the children. He can't even put his lawn mower away after mowing. If I ask him to, I'm yelled at then ignored for nagging. (And this goes for anything and everything. He can't take care of anything, even if it's worth a good deal of money).
He'll play with the children a couple times a week (and even those times are short). If the children need anything or are moody, he gets upset. Just tonight he kicked a hole in our bedroom door because our 4 year old was fighting his bedtime.
I'm tired of the fighting, of the way he tears me down, of how he treats our children and neglects everything. I've tried countless times to talk with him about these issues, and every time, he says he doesn't care. That he's just "not that kind of guy". I just want a compromise.
I am by no means perfect, not at all. But this is ridiculous. If I had the financial means and it were just me to worry about, I would be gone. But not only am I afraid to go it alone, I worry about what this will do to our children and about all of the other relationships (family/friends) that will be torn. When I look at the big picture, I wonder if the pain of divorce is worth it. One thing for sure, I'm far from happy. But I don't want to be selfish and not consider the consequences my actions will have on our children and everyone else.
Answer
Why is it every time someone talk about divorce/ separation the first thing you hear is about the children. That is just an excuse, what about the children sitting there watching you crying, watching this man verbally abuse you and you sitting there watching him neglect his children. All of this is abuse for the children as well as you. What you are showing these children is that is alright for someone to walk all over you. Is this what you want for your children when they are grown? My mother took it from my father and it was o.k. It is never ok, you have to be the voice for your children and you have to show your children that they deserve better. You can't show them though if you don't get up and feel like you deserve better for you. The question was when is it time for a divorce. When you are sick and tired of someone using as a doormat, cheating neglecting.abusing and so on. Talk about for the children, what do you want for your children,I hope the best.
Why is it every time someone talk about divorce/ separation the first thing you hear is about the children. That is just an excuse, what about the children sitting there watching you crying, watching this man verbally abuse you and you sitting there watching him neglect his children. All of this is abuse for the children as well as you. What you are showing these children is that is alright for someone to walk all over you. Is this what you want for your children when they are grown? My mother took it from my father and it was o.k. It is never ok, you have to be the voice for your children and you have to show your children that they deserve better. You can't show them though if you don't get up and feel like you deserve better for you. The question was when is it time for a divorce. When you are sick and tired of someone using as a doormat, cheating neglecting.abusing and so on. Talk about for the children, what do you want for your children,I hope the best.
ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING,SERIOUSLY,ABOUT TINNITUS?
Jim B
CONSTANT HISSING IN RIGHT EAR.
Answer
Jim B -
Tinnitus, often described as a ringing or buzzing sound in the ear, is a symptom that can be related to almost every known hearing problem. Tinnitus is not a disease, but it can be caused by exposure to loud sounds, middle or inner ear infections, tumors on the hearing nerve, and even wax on the eardrum.
Sometimes tinnitus can be medically or surgically treated. All patients with tinnitus should consult an ear, nose and throat physician (otolaryngologist) before seeking any other form of treatment.
It is not always possible for your physician to determine the cause of your tinnitus; each case is different. The same cause will not necessarily produce the same set of symptoms in each patient.
Dealing with Tinnitus
Although psychological or emotional problems may be associated with tinnitus, it is a real problem -- not imagined. Almost all patients indicate that stress or tension makes their tinnitus worse. Tinnitus is difficult to describe because there is no standard terminology related to it. Family and friends have trouble understanding the problems tinnitus patients face because they cannot see or hear it themselves. Because tinnitus is so hard to describe and treat, patients may fall victim to self-pity and depression. Some tinnitus patients withdraw from social interactions and alienate family members and coworkers--the very people who can help them cope with their problems.
Relieving Tinnitus
Approximately 40 million Americans have chronic tinnitus. For 10 million of these people, tinnitus can be a severely debilitating condition. However, for 30 million Americans with tinnitus, it is not bothersome. Tinnitus does not interfere with the enjoyment of life for the majority of people who experience it. Our goal is to help patients to understand and gain control over their tinnitus, rather than it having control over them. Ultimately we hope to help patients progress to the point where tinnitus is no longer a negative factor in their lives. We want them to move from the âseverely debilitatedâ group of tinnitus sufferers to the ânot bothered by tinnitusâ group and to enjoy their lives as much as possible.
There are, as yet, no cures for tinnitus but there are several treatments currently used to produce relief. One treatment is the use of Acoustic Therapy which is available in several forms. Another relief procedure involves medications to help patients to control their anxiety, depression, or insomnia. Research for relief procedures continues, and hope is very much alive.
Things to Avoid
All Loud Sounds
Wear earmuffs or earplugs when using chain saws, guns, lawn mowers, loud music or power tools. Exposure to loud sounds can make tinnitus worse and can also cause additional hearing loss.
Excessive use of alcohol, caffeine, or aspirin
However, moderate use of these products is usually O.K.
Jim B -
Tinnitus, often described as a ringing or buzzing sound in the ear, is a symptom that can be related to almost every known hearing problem. Tinnitus is not a disease, but it can be caused by exposure to loud sounds, middle or inner ear infections, tumors on the hearing nerve, and even wax on the eardrum.
Sometimes tinnitus can be medically or surgically treated. All patients with tinnitus should consult an ear, nose and throat physician (otolaryngologist) before seeking any other form of treatment.
It is not always possible for your physician to determine the cause of your tinnitus; each case is different. The same cause will not necessarily produce the same set of symptoms in each patient.
Dealing with Tinnitus
Although psychological or emotional problems may be associated with tinnitus, it is a real problem -- not imagined. Almost all patients indicate that stress or tension makes their tinnitus worse. Tinnitus is difficult to describe because there is no standard terminology related to it. Family and friends have trouble understanding the problems tinnitus patients face because they cannot see or hear it themselves. Because tinnitus is so hard to describe and treat, patients may fall victim to self-pity and depression. Some tinnitus patients withdraw from social interactions and alienate family members and coworkers--the very people who can help them cope with their problems.
Relieving Tinnitus
Approximately 40 million Americans have chronic tinnitus. For 10 million of these people, tinnitus can be a severely debilitating condition. However, for 30 million Americans with tinnitus, it is not bothersome. Tinnitus does not interfere with the enjoyment of life for the majority of people who experience it. Our goal is to help patients to understand and gain control over their tinnitus, rather than it having control over them. Ultimately we hope to help patients progress to the point where tinnitus is no longer a negative factor in their lives. We want them to move from the âseverely debilitatedâ group of tinnitus sufferers to the ânot bothered by tinnitusâ group and to enjoy their lives as much as possible.
There are, as yet, no cures for tinnitus but there are several treatments currently used to produce relief. One treatment is the use of Acoustic Therapy which is available in several forms. Another relief procedure involves medications to help patients to control their anxiety, depression, or insomnia. Research for relief procedures continues, and hope is very much alive.
Things to Avoid
All Loud Sounds
Wear earmuffs or earplugs when using chain saws, guns, lawn mowers, loud music or power tools. Exposure to loud sounds can make tinnitus worse and can also cause additional hearing loss.
Excessive use of alcohol, caffeine, or aspirin
However, moderate use of these products is usually O.K.
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